Monthly Archives: March 2014

11: 50 mistakes of the fledgling fiction writer.

27 Thursday Mar 2014

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42-40: The countdown continues to the biggest blunders

We are still at the trivial end: But the path to enlightenment starts with a few steps. I think my Dad said this to me after watching Kung Foo. At the start of the programme it would often amuse him to pretend to be the moral martial arts itinerant clutching the kettle between his forearms, then falling to the snow (carpet!) to cool the newly acquired fiery hot dragon tattoos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQBVYko_uhQ −So let us all attempt to clutch the pebble from Master Po’s grasp and venture onward.

42. Myself? If word points out a mistake it normally is, but not always! One that I have been asked, more by younger people is why ‘myself’ has a blue wavy line underneath, the sentence reads fine. It is suggesting a possible unintentional error that is grammatically incorrect as you only use ‘myself’ if you have referred to yourself previously in the same sentence. There are advanced settings in word: review, spelling & grammar for various aspects that will take your work to greater literary levels.

41. Mixing up of word meanings. These are words that sound almost the same but differ in their actual meaning. From last week I talked about capitals, which are very different to state and administrative centres−capitols. There is no such word as grammer−Kelsey Grammer may disagree, just don’t use it, people will laugh at you or take pity. People often get affect: to produce a change in something, and, effect: the result of something or the ability to bring about change mixed up, especially in Science experiments (and Climate Change Deniers).

Here’s a cultural one: enquiry/inquiry. Americans tend to use the latter for both meanings, but in Britain you enquire about someone’s health and you have a political/legal/medical inquiry into a riot/bodged trial/unexpected death. Most times the American inquiry is probably better, but not if you are ‘enquiring at an inquiry’−which might lead to a comedic mix-up, that could well appear in a P G Woodhouse book.

Ones I have actually seen are disdain (haughty dislike) and distain (discolour, sully). Perspective (point of view), and prospective (likely to happen in the future). Farther (physical distance) and further (non-physical distance). Accept (willingly take) and except (without something). While/whilst, if in doubt don’t use whilst it’s old fashioned and no one will notice. There are lots of others: practise/practice, advise/advice, but if in doubt look them up. The following site us useful: http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/commonly-confused-words

40. Not joining a Writers’ Group: In my opinion more important than going on a Writers’ Retreat or two day creative writing course. These will help you, and every little helps, but the memory and knowledge will fade fast in our busy lives’. It may feel as though it’s enough, but being a good writer is about dedication and consistency. There are also many books and videos about the craft that will do the same job much cheaper, but you might not get a suntan! What a Writers’ Group allows you to do is test out your work constantly with critical friends, not once every year or few years. You not only need the benevolent critics, you need the incentive to complete the next part/chapter of your work−they will spur you on. It is often hard to drag yourself out after you have done a full day of toiling at work, but it is paramount to carry on along the road to enlightenment, well, completion anyway. You are gleaning knowledge and information that you may well otherwise not stumbled across. This goes back to what I said about research; members will highlight important mistakes you have missed like; clarity, repetition, too much telling not enough showing and also point you towards authors and books that it would be useful to look at−it will also be much easier to edit your work if you are getting it somewhere near the first time round.

Hanif Kureishi recently sported debate by stating that creative writing cannot be taught, creativity is very difficult to teach and the more our cultures and education systems move away from the arts to the commercial/scientific/academic it may become even harder. But certain skills can be taught and as Theodore Roosevelt said, “Believe you can and you’re half the way there.” Well, if you believe and you gather some skills and knowledge as well, you’re more than half the way there… You’re nearer the end than the beginning.

Keep believing and one day you will grab the pebble from Master Po’s hand and hear the grasshopper at your feet thinking!

Until next time I will leave you with the sound of one hand clapping!

 

@thewritingIMP   www.ianmpindar.com

Ian M Pindar’s latest books, under his real name are: ‘Hoofing It’ and ‘Hoofed,’ the first and second novels in The Robert Knight Series and are on special offer. He has another three novels out this year. 

10: 50 mistakes of the fledgling fiction writer.

21 Friday Mar 2014

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48-43: The countdown continues to the biggest blunders.

Some of the next ones are going to sound petty. Feel free to moan−no one is listening! –that internal monologue may keep you company. What the fledgling may find pretty and trivial are the golden ones, that The Grammar Stasi often judge you by, they are more tangible and less subjective, and like the now disbanded East German secret police (If you have never seen The Lives of Others, which won the Oscar for best Foreign film in 2006 – that has to be your homework) both have and had a lot of members, but the ‘GS’ are difficult to spot except by their native call normally in quite populated areas (The Common Greater Spotted GS) or just as common, but rarer to observe, the Lesser Spotted Writing GS−these can only be seen on lines on the page and screen.

48. Contractions of words and hyphenated words. Make sure you get the word right. All right vs alright. It should technically be ‘all right’ but it is now acceptable to use ‘alright’. I sometimes use ‘all right’ in formal writing and ‘alright’ in direct speech. ‘No one’ is the correct spelling, but ‘no-one’ is creeping in. There are lots.

Whether to hyphenate or not depends on many factors, but remember we are doing this to add clarity to our work, making it easier for the reader. ‘Re-cover’ is completely different to ‘recover’ and ‘re-creation’ to recreation’. With nearly all literature we can give them long fancy names but they are quite straightforward, using the right word and consistency is the key. This is a good website to look at for more information http://www.dailywritingtips.com/10-types-of-hyphenation-errors/

47. Contractions in direct speech (and first person narration). When people speak they are generally lazy, they contract a word/words and often run them into one another. If you are meeting the Queen to get an Honour, say for example: ‘Order of the Protection of the Empire against Undesirables’, you might use clipped received (might need a hyphen?) English−How old fashioned these seem now?, imagine in this day and age getting an honour that represents a long gone empire! When people talk normally they use ‘can’t’ instead of’ cannot’, ‘wouldn’t’, not, ‘would not’ etc. Make your direct speech realistic, set the right tone. The grey area is when you are writing in the first person and you want to convey a greater stream of consciousness or speed the prose up, you may wish to contract words to do this. Again it is about consistency, but you might want to speed one part up and slow another down for dramatic effect?

An omniscient narrator might use contractions as well as slang and dialect. In Russ Litten’s interesting book, ‘Scream if you want to go faster’ he uses an omniscient narrator that talks in a local Hull (a large English City and the European City of Culture in 2017) accent. I found this quite compelling and for me the best part of the book, but not all do, but then again I grew up there before my banishment outside the Old City walls (the location of the first battle of The English Civil War). You obviously notice these ‘voices’ more when they are colloquial. Some are hard work and require a bit of getting used to, but some work exceptionally well: Catcher in the Rye and Huckleberry Finn (Vernon God Little imitates from here) are two that spring to mind.

46. To capitalise or not? This may seem obvious−if it is a proper noun it has a capital letter. Remember at school the teacher often said, “If it is a title it should have a capital letter.” Unless it is an article: e.g. a, the; co-ordinating conjunction: e.g. but, nor, or a preposition fewer than five letters, e.g. on, at, from. ‘Scream if you want to go faster’ is a title that does not follow these rules. Should ‘teacher’ have a capital or not?, it is a job title, the key again is consistency. The difficulty comes when you look it up and there is still not consistency on the inter-web, get a dictionary out then, but the inter-web is now saying the new form is acceptable. Go with your gut instinct and don’t blink. Animals can be difficult−my editor and proofer often don’t know the answer! Give your chapter headings capital letters. But then do you put a full stop at the end? I don’t bother, again for consistency. This may again sound trivial, but when you first start out you will be flicking through books to see what the convention is.

45. It’s/its: A common mistake It’s is a contraction of it is (and it has). If you cannot expand it’s to ‘it is’ it be wrong.

Its is a possessive pronoun meaning ‘of it’ or, ‘belonging to it.’

44. Chapter headings giving the whole story away: I recently looked at very long pre-published manuscript at a writers’ group. I quickly summarised the narrative even though I had not read the novel−it had over forty chapters. They thought I had acquired magical skills, I had simply read the chapter titles and it was more than evident what would/does transpire. Be careful not to give your entire narrative away as a flash story.

On a similar note if your acknowledgements are going to reveal far too much, stick them at the end. ‘Many thanks to Acme Funeral Services for help with the embalming technicalities in chapter 7.’  Consider rephrasing if you want them at the start.

43. Not reading enough of the genre you are writing. See how established writers have crafted. You will have to do this anyway when you start off, don’t start writing until you’ve read lots: “Writers read, simple as.” A useful technique is to watch a film and ask yourself how the author did that in the book? (If in fact they did?) How did they describe that? How did they construct the dialogue at a tense moment? How much emotion and internal dialogue was exposed?, etc. You don’t even have to read the entire novel, find the relevant section. I will talk more about what these areas are later, but you will be asking yourself lots of questions, at least you should be: ‘What narrator to use?’ ‘What POV to use?’ etc, etc. I talked about this partly in blog 3: What should I do before I start? Will passively reading do it?

Remember your homework! − ‘The Lives of Others’ it will keep you gripped like a good book and will also teach you a thing or two about writing. We could even discuss empathy?

Until next time fledglings, hawks and CCTVs.

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@thewritingIMP   www.ianmpindar.com

Ian M Pindar’s latest books, under his real name are: ‘Hoofing It’ and ‘Hoofed,’ the first and second novels in The Robert Knight Series and are on special offer. He has another three novels out this year. 

9: 50 mistakes of the fledgling fiction writer.

14 Friday Mar 2014

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Ok, you know, I know, to try and put them in any sort order is completely subjective. But that’s what I’m going to do−my order based on my experiences and those around me. I have a countdown image of being a teenager and waiting with anticipation to see what immortal number 1 transpired in the charts, matched with equal measure of dread if we were out in the family car, as my dad could take no more; Punk, New Romanticism, Heavy Metal, etc, etc and the stereo was tuned with a deft flick to BBC Radio 2, with the muttered critical grumbling: “That’s not bloody music,” and a synchronised humph of the shoulders. Then to rub salt into the open lash marks of anguish ‘The King’s Singers’ would fill the air−God I hate ‘The King’s Singers’−I’ve earned the right, believe me−this is how parents ended up dead in lay-bys, with innocent children looking on!

So this is what I think of, even now when I see a countdown, with the exception of space liftoffs. You might not agree with me, but you have to concur it makes it a damn sight more interesting to have a countdown and not be wishy-washy−you might even want to over-dub a cheesy radio presenter’s voice over each number? Even have a guess at my top10? Your top10?

The main reason you will not agree if you are being analytical−there is no right way to write a great novel… but there are thousands of wrong ways.  If there was, someone would write an algorithm program and we would be anesthetised with similar genre stories continually−more zombies, more vampires. We have publishing houses not prepared to take risks to do that! Money talks when it is not bleeding.

If you are writing a book that you want to read, it’s a safe bet someone else will want to read it is as well. If you are kept awake at night with ideas flying around your brain that excite you, good chance it will excite lots of others. I could tell you a way to write a genericish novel, following tried and trusted guidelines, that’s fine if that’s what you want to do: strong gripping start, compelling empathetic characters, no ‘ly’ adjectives, continual hooks and hangers, etc, etc. But tell that to the Douglases− Adams and Coupland, C S Lewis, Laurence Stern, etc. If the story, empathy, intrigue, entertainment, love, is compelling enough you will drag the reader along on a lead−that actually gives me an idea for a novel… but you’re better than that, great art exists for itself, that’s how art transforms rather than regurgitates. Better to fail in originality, than succeed in imitation, as the White-Whale-Writer once said.

You have to learn the rules before you decide to break them; some rules and conventions are best stuck to. Unfortunately when you start off, even if you know the rules and you break them, the reader thinks your amateurish, but hold your nerve, cream always rises to the top, and even if it doesn’t, you know the truth, you have still achieved.  

 

So with a top 50, the mistakes at the ‘big end’ are going to be smaller and more trivial then the top 10, but just as important to know. Welcome to the charts fict-fans…

50. Autocorrect. The first thing we think of when we think of autocorrect is probably predictive phone text, the funniest examples are when everyday words are turned to rude ones. When even ‘the best excitement ever’ can turn to ‘the best excrement ever’. You may appear to be drying your goats, but it is probably your hair!

The autocorrect most writers are usually talking about is ‘The Cupertino effect’ in older versions of Microsoft word−so called as the English word cooperative (with no hyphen) got changed to ‘Cupertino.’

“The Cupertino with our Italian comrades proved very fruitful,” a German Nato Officer once wrote.

Another interesting fact here is ‘Cupertino with a capital ‘C’ appears to be spelt correct but not with a small one, it has that horrible red line underneath−should Cupertino be a proper noun (it just autocorrected when I tried to write it with a small ‘C’ − Word believes it should!

When I first started out the one that appeared with most annoying regularity was ‘from’ to ‘form.’ This is also a product of typing too fast as well. I rarely spotted these, but now, nearly always.

You have to be particularly careful with people’s names and foreign words. Even now I anally re-check names I am ‘certain’ are right if the red wave of uncertainty crenulates below.

You can turn the spellchecker off− go on, I dare you.

 

49. English-English  vs American-English.  Some say we are two peoples separated by one letter (but united by ‘our’ foreign policies!). In the star-spangled corner we have the ‘z’ (or zee) in the red-white-and-blue corner we have the ‘s’.  

If you are an American you are probably thinking, ‘stupid God damn Limey.’ I have no objection to Americans using American-English, that is you right and heritage−it’s actually more logical. I do object, not enough to march or ‘staff’ the barricades though, when British writers use American words. I recently read Jon Ronson’s −Psychopath Test written in American-English, Ronson is as modern-British-neurotic as they come, (he’s actually Welsh). I suspect the publishing house made this decision for him based on market economics. If you’re going to labor, opps, labour at your British keyboard, stiff upper lip, bully-on, what, what.

With all these things the dominant culture normally wins through, let’s face it the reason why English is the Lingua Franca of the world is because of ‘The Empire’ and the dominance of The Good Ol’ U S of A.

How about turning the ‘set language’ spellchecker to English (United Kingdom) if you are British!

That’s all form me for this week as I have gone over the 1,000 word blog rule.

Next week the countdown continues.

 

@thewritingIMP   www.ianmpindar.com

Ian M Pindar’s latest books, under his real name are: ‘Hoofing It’ and ‘Hoofed,’ the first and second novels in The Robert Knight Series and on special offer. He has another three novels out this year. 

9: 50 mistakes of the fledgling fiction writer.

14 Friday Mar 2014

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Ok, you know, I know, to try and put them in any sort order is completely subjective. But that’s what I’m going to do−my order based on my experiences and those around me. I have a countdown image of being a teenager and waiting with anticipation to see what immortal number 1 transpired in the charts, matched with equal measure of dread if we were out in the family car, as my dad could take no more; Punk, New Romanticism, Heavy Metal, etc, etc and the stereo was tuned with a deft flick to BBC Radio 2, with the muttered critical grumbling: “That’s not bloody music,” and a synchronised humph of the shoulders. Then to rub salt into the open lash marks of anguish ‘The King’s Singers’ would fill the air−God I hate ‘The King’s Singers’−I’ve earned the right, believe me−this is how parents ended up dead in lay-bys, with innocent children looking on!

So this is what I think of, even now when I see a countdown, with the exception of space liftoffs. You might not agree with me, but you have to concur it makes it a damn sight more interesting to have a countdown and not be wishy-washy−you might even want to over-dub a cheesy radio presenter’s voice over each number? Even have a guess at my top10? Your top10?

The main reason you will not agree if you are being analytical−there is no right way to write a great novel… but there are thousands of wrong ways.  If there was, someone would write an algorithm program and we would be anesthetised with similar genre stories continually−more zombies, more vampires. We have publishing houses not prepared to take risks to do that! Money talks when it is not bleeding.

If you are writing a book that you want to read, it’s a safe bet someone else will want to read it is as well. If you are kept awake at night with ideas flying around your brain that excite you, good chance it will excite lots of others. I could tell you a way to write a genericish novel, following tried and trusted guidelines, that’s fine if that’s what you want to do: strong gripping start, compelling empathetic characters, no ‘ly’ adjectives, continual hooks and hangers, etc, etc. But tell that to the Douglases− Adams and Coupland, C S Lewis, Laurence Stern, etc. If the story, empathy, intrigue, entertainment, love, is compelling enough you will drag the reader along on a lead−that actually gives me an idea for a novel… but you’re better than that, great art exists for itself, that’s how art transforms rather than regurgitates. Better to fail in originality, than succeed in imitation, as the White-Whale-Writer once said.

You have to learn the rules before you decide to break them; some rules and conventions are best stuck to. Unfortunately when you start off, even if you know the rules and you break them, the reader thinks your amateurish, but hold your nerve, cream always rises to the top, and even if it doesn’t, you know the truth, you have still achieved.  

 

So with a top 50, the mistakes at the ‘big end’ are going to be smaller and more trivial then the top 10, but just as important to know. Welcome to the charts fict-fans…

50. Autocorrect. The first thing we think of when we think of autocorrect is probably predictive phone text, the funniest examples are when everyday words are turned to rude ones. When even ‘the best excitement ever’ can turn to ‘the best excrement ever’. You may appear to be drying your goats, but it is probably your hair!

The autocorrect most writers are usually talking about is ‘The Cupertino effect’ in older versions of Microsoft word−so called as the English word cooperative (with no hyphen) got changed to ‘Cupertino.’

“The Cupertino with our Italian comrades proved very fruitful,” a German Nato Officer once wrote.

Another interesting fact here is ‘Cupertino with a capital ‘C’ appears to be spelt correct but not with a small one, it has that horrible red line underneath−should Cupertino be a proper noun (it just autocorrected when I tried to write it with a small ‘C’ − Word believes it should!

When I first started out the one that appeared with most annoying regularity was ‘from’ to ‘form.’ This is also a product of typing too fast as well. I rarely spotted these, but now, nearly always.

You have to be particularly careful with people’s names and foreign words. Even now I anally re-check names I am ‘certain’ are right if the red wave of uncertainty crenulates below.

You can turn the spellchecker off− go on, I dare you.

 

49. English-English  vs American-English.  Some say we are two peoples separated by one letter (but united by ‘our’ foreign policies!). In the star-spangled corner we have the ‘z’ (or zee) in the red-white-and-blue corner we have the ‘s’.  

If you are an American you are probably thinking, ‘stupid God damn Limey.’ I have no objection to Americans using American-English, that is you right and heritage−it’s actually more logical. I do object, not enough to march or ‘staff’ the barricades though, when British writers use American words. I recently read Jon Ronson’s −Psychopath Test written in American-English, Ronson is as modern-British-neurotic as they come, (he’s actually Welsh). I suspect the publishing house made this decision for him based on market economics. If you’re going to labor, opps, labour at your British keyboard, stiff upper lip, bully-on, what, what.

With all these things the dominant culture normally wins through, let’s face it the reason why English is the Lingua Franca of the world is because of ‘The Empire’ and the dominance of The Good Ol’ U S of A.

How about turning the ‘set language’ spellchecker to English (United Kingdom) if you are British!

That’s all form me for this week as I have gone over the 1,000 word blog rule.

Next week the countdown continues.

 

@thewritingIMP   www.ianmpindar.com

Ian M Pindar’s latest books, under his real name are: ‘Hoofing It’ and ‘Hoofed,’ the first and second novels in The Robert Knight Series and on special offer. He has another three novels out this year. 

8: What, more social media! I just want to write.

07 Friday Mar 2014

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 You have to build the brand, like it or not.

Blogging: Another area I was reluctant to engage in. I had two main concerns, what would I write about and would it not take inordinate amounts of time. If you have read much of these machinations and musings the first one is obvious. But it took a lot of prodding and poking to get me going. A couple of months ago at the Writers’ Group I attend−if you don’t, get yourself to one now. Three separate people asked me different questions about self-publishing and social media−that coupled with one friend saying, ‘people starting out really don’t know this stuff.’ The second point, it does not take that much time as you are writing about stuff you know.

Try and write at least 300 words because most search engines will pick up this length and longer much better. As a rule I never write less than 700 and more than a 1,000−less is more. Put key words in that will be picked up. Put the blog on more than one site. I use WordPress and Goodreads. Goodreads is better for me because I am writing about fiction, and a Goodreads author. Last week I had 500 views on the site compared to 65 on WordPress. I chose WordPress as it has more advanced features, stats, archiving, links, etc. Some other bloggers prefer others, googles sites (Blogger & Blogspot) have their search engine backing it up−again it is down to research and the area you are blogging in. I set off with the intention of having 300 readers, so I have exceeded my own realistic expectations. Plan a brief outline of the first 5-10 blogs. Like planning your work, jot ideas down when you have them. It is important that you tag your blog to potentially increase your audience. If your blog one week includes a famous person like Stephen King or JK Rowling tag those or anything that might increase traffic.

Giveaways: These are useful for books. If someone enters your giveaway they are interested in your work, you are starting to build a fan base. People are delighted to receive a signed book with a personal message through the post. I also personally put other stuff in as well; a letter of thanks/congratulations/what I am doing next, personalised book marks and A4 signed front cover artwork. I give hard copy books away on Goodreads. Word of caution here, this can be expensive. Ultimately you are after reviews, but for me to send a book to the US, Canada, Australia or New Zealand it costs nearly £10, this is on top of the price of the book! Goodreads allows you to see the entrants, this can be useful as you can gift an ebook to them in exchange for a review−if they are genuinely interested ‘friend’ them.

I use LibraryThing for ebooks, for me this is much cheaper and gives me a greater exposure to the North American market. I buy the winners an e-voucher, usually from Amazon, send them it via email, they could in theory buy a Will I Am facemask or a Paris Hilton shoe horn with the money, but no one ever has−although the Edwardian moustache kit looks ticklingly tempting. Some people have entered multiple giveaways and have now won both my books, so I send them personally signed front cover artwork in return for both reviews. I never give away more than 20 ebooks as this can be quite time consuming to administer.

Email lists: What both of the above allow you to do is build up email lists. Put emails into different contact groups. I don’t like to get a group email that I am one of hundreds on, very impersonal−might just be me?

Goodreads: I think this is the best reading/writing site, but has just been bought by Amazon! If you want to register as an author you have to star rate at least 50 books, which does not take very long and enjoyable. If you are not intending to register as an author, only put books on you actually love, as the site will then recommend other books you will equally love.

There are many other great sites and it depends on your audience. Wattpad is great for a younger audience and like many sites you can put weekly extracts of a book up, even as you write it and gain interest that way. There are lots of chat rooms and groups that are useful for tips and advice−I very rarely use them as I have so many other social media tasks to do. Facebook we all know about. Keep your personal and writing sites separate. I don’t use my writing one that much, but I feed other areas into it directly, so I don’t feel I have to.

You do start to see the rewards for your hard work. The other day I had several contacts from readers to say how much they loved my books−one said he was so inspired by reading about Thailand, him and a friend booked a trip there to visit the same places I had wrote about−something that surprised me. And although literature does not thrive by praise alone, nor be totally diminished by criticism−the former helps you to carry on and gives you a lift some days.

So enough, let’s get Californian for a moment: climb onto your chair (elevate) and shout (project externally): “build a presence: build a brand: build sales*.” Did you do it in a Kirk Douglas Spartacus tone−Let’s face it, you didn’t do it−but you’ve got the idea−make social media your friend. At least adopt it.

Hopefully over the last two weeks you have picked up a tip or two which may help you succeed better, rather than doing it by default like I did.  

 

*:build happiness (optional)

Starting next week (and some more to come): 50 common mistakes of the fledgling fiction writer.

@thewritingIMP   www.ianmpindar.com

Ian M Pindar’s latest books, under his real name are: ‘Hoofing It’ and ‘Hoofed,’ the first and second novels in The Robert Knight Series and are out now and on special offer. He has another three novels out this year.